Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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