At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dick has a subreddit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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