those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
