Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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