saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
