Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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