Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
