Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
