it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize