I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
