i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
