I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
