speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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