You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
