So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
