I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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