when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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