Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
