So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
