Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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