I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't turn off my feet"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
