P.S. I can't hear my feet
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
