oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
