And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
