3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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