I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
