I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize