Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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