You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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