Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
