Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
