i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
