I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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