Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
