I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize