We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm having to shit out rocks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
