If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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