Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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