The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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