hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
