he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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