watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize