Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
