Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize