I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
