Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
