The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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