Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
