the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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