You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
