evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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