Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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