Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
