also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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