he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
