margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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