you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
