Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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