I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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