i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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