her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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