i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
