party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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