My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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