i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
