Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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