8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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