take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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