My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
