You can't motorboat a personality
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
