If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
